exploration in LFA

Poll ponderings...

2006-08-16T13:41:00.000-07:00

Well, before i went on mini-hiatus, I figured out how to put a poll on the site. I was disappointed at first in the small turnout, but coming back I see that there are at least 22 people that have browsed the site. Very exciting!

It is interesting to see that an overwhelming majority are sub males like myself (>80%). I guess there are a lot of us out there looking for that dominant Woman in our lives. Only 3 dominant Women though...If i make a promise to blog more on this site, can you the 3 of you tell your friends and get them to take a look this way? While i appreciate the opinions of like minded submissive males and what works and doesn't work, a Woman's persepctive is always helpful.

That's it for today....

Saving Silverman

2006-08-16T12:54:00.000-07:00

Has anyone else seen this movie. I love it. Jack Black. Steve Zahn. Amanda Peet. And Neil Diamond! Need I say more...

But that is not the reason for this post. Given my new explorations into LFA, I realize that this movie has some very strong female dominant themes. Here you have Silverman, a dweebish guy, getting into a relationship with an alpha woman played by Amanda Peet. She instantly recognizes his tendency to submit to her and takes advantage. She tells him who he can see, when he can see them, etc. She even arranges 1:1 therapy sessions where he is the patient and she is the psychologist to deal with his issues towards submission essentially. The movie also broaches the LFA subject of orgasm denial. Thier sex life involves him orally pleasuring her with no reciprocation.

Ultimately, the movie treats this concept with scorn. The title lets you know that his friends are looking to "save" him from this "horrible" relaionship. Looking back on it now, I wish they would have lost that battle.

Does anyone know of other female dominant films that I should look out for (non-porn)? Leave a comment!

I'm back

2006-08-16T12:37:00.000-07:00

Haven't posted here in a while. Our life has been quite hectic over the past few weeks, but it has been worth it...we're going to have a baby (in around 8 months from now)! Obviously that changes things a bit...Not sure how children (esp newborns) fit this lifestyle. It does provide some unique opportunities for our relationship though. Obviously, my wife will require more attention from me on any number of things...

I'll post more soon...

Cuckolding

2006-07-27T20:27:00.000-07:00

If there are any woman listening in, i would love to hear your thoughts on Cuckolding. The sub males can chime in as well.

Cuckolding for some reason or other is a major turn on for me and i don't understand why. i mean, in theory i don't get to pleasure my wife and she is consciously seeking out another man for her orgasm.

Yet the whole idea is very much a turn on for me. the idea of my wife moaning and groaning with another man in her makes me extremely excited. my fantasies mainly revolve around me serving them both in some capacity and my wife letting me know that he pleases her in ways i never could.

Obviously there are tons of sites dedicated to this idea, but still i feel that wanting this is somehow wrong and an affront to the idea of marriage. One of the few times i had the courage to share my sexual fantasies with my Wife, i did bring up the idea of watching her with another man. i think She did briefly consider it, but then told me She didn't think She could ever go through with the idea...sigh...

i would love to hear anyone's thoughts. Have you considered this fantasy? Do you think it fits a LFA lifestyle?

Comment Follow-up

2006-07-27T11:28:00.000-07:00

Thought i would take a moment to follow-up to some of the questions i am asked in the comments section.

Some of the comments asked whether my profile picture and my links section reflected my attitudes towards LFA. My answer is "i don't know". i'll be honest and say the picture is very erotic to me. i find Women in corsets very appealing and very powerful. the man in the picture in his submissive pose is also appealing to me as well (FYI...i am not bald either, nor is my Wife a blonde). it was probably the most vanilla picture i could find that relayed my feelings. there is a lot of hardcore stuff out there!

As far as my link to Elise Sutton's site is concerned, i suppose her more sexual take on Female led relationships does appeal to me. i think most men would have to admit that the sexual overtones to this lifestyle are what really drives them. And while some will argue against me and point to the fact that they haven't had an orgasm in 1/2/3/4 weeks/months/years, i would argue that while you have not, you have given your Wife sexual gratification and that, in turn, is really your sexual gratification. Even in the extreme instance where your Wife has cuckolded you completely to the point where neither one of you actually sexually gratifies the other, she is most likely telling you about her encounters with other people. This retelling of her sexual encounters is your point for sexual gratification.

Wow, that was quite a detour i took. What is my point?

i guess my point is that, on some level, i would like the hardcore Dominatrix type of relationship that some of the more extreme sites espouse. but my brain tells me that is an unreasonable expectation to put on our relationship. i know my Wife and that she may eventually like to pursue a milder version, but the hardcore stuff is probably out of the question (but you never really know). Heck, i'm not even sure how deep i want to go down this path. it certainly gets me riled up, but there are times i wonder what i may be getting myself into?

Crisis continued...

2006-07-26T13:49:00.000-07:00

Well my Wife had to go to the doctor and everything is going to be ok, but my wife must stay on strict rest for the next 4-5 days. That means i will need to take care of things around the house even more than usual. Obviously, i view this as an opportunity to show what i can do and see whether i want to do this.

Yesterday was actually the first day where i had to do this and it was challenging (in a good way). my parents actually gave us a little servant's bell that my Wife is using to summon me when she needs something. it is an oddly erotic experience keeping my wife as rested and happy as possible. Yesterday i actually took off from work to make sure the 1st day went well. Today, i had to go back to work, but plan on going home and preparing a foot bath and bringing flowers home.

And the icing on the cake is no sexual intercourse over the next week as well. not sure if that is icing on the cake as i write this. i am not sure whether that means no penetration or whether that means no orgasms period. i would love another week of giving her orgasms without reciprocation. maybe i need to call the doctor...

That much of a switch?

2006-07-26T10:30:00.000-07:00

It's interesting as i read various blogs and websites on the aspects of LFA relationships. i wonder if i am not 60% or more of the way there. Most sites talk about husbands assuming more of the traditional female roles while allowing the Wife to assume more traditional male roles. In our current relationship, i already do the following:

-> Cook and clean up afterwards - my Wife chips in once in a while, but is something i do and enjoy (i enjoy the cooking...not so much the cleaning)

-> Grocery Shopping - always me (i enjoy this...have this perverse enjoyment with clipping coupons and trying to get the best deal possible)

-> Laundry - i do 80% of the laundry duties and the only reason for not doing the other 20% is fear of not properly washing or drying some of my Wife's clothes.

-> Vacuuming - 95% me

-> Lawn Care - me, but this is obviously a traditional male role.

my Wife is mainly responsible for:

-> Checkbook - i am notoriously bad at paying bills on-time and my wife is very much the opposite. i figure she has increased my credit score by 100 points easy.

-> "Other" shopping - my Wife is the Target shopper, etc.

-> "Other" cleaning - similar to the checkbook, my wife loves organization in all things.

When you look at that list above, you would think my Wife and i are already in a LFA relationship. There may be one or two other chores to transfer, but i am >75% of the way there (now she may argue about my level of competency in my chores).

the only major missing piece is the open acknowledgement by the both of us and the sexual aspects of a LFA relationship.

i guess i'm blogging this as an analysis of where things are today and where things need to be taken.

NOTE: That pic looks nothing like me. Just a pic i found through google to illustrate the journal intent.

Reality Strikes

2006-07-24T12:36:00.000-07:00

Well, to follow up from my last post, i was not able provide my Wife with a 3rd round of oral sex. we have been going through a low-level crisis as of late and there are spikes to that crisis that force the LFA initiative to the background.

Which brings up an interesting point that i have had bouncing around my brain for a bit. For most of the sites i have read, the LFA couple has not had to deal with a major outside issue. Most blogged LFA relationships are between couples where there seems to be a stability to life that allows both to explore their feelings about LFA. i'm not arguing and i am happy for all of you out there. perhaps you do have those challenging moments and choose not to blog about them. i don't know.

For me though, the current crisis brings about a few issues. My Wife right now is not looking to be a Authoritative person. She is looking to have certain needs met and i will do my best to meet them. But She is looking for someone else to be the "strong" one to help us get through this particular moment.

Does being the "strong" one somehow diminish my perceived submission? Or does it make me submissive by being the strong one with the shoulder to lean on that she needs right now?

Success

2006-07-22T12:12:00.000-07:00

Well, i'm not sure why, but last night and this morning turned out to be a success for our relationship. no, i did not let Her in on my desires for a LFA relationship. But i did orally please Her twice and give her a 30 minute full body massage before the 2nd round of oral sex this morning. no release for me either time!

both times, She was a bit taken aback by my willingness to pleasure Her knowing i could not receive pleasure myself. She does not enjoy going down on me and doesn't understand why i am so eager to orally pleasure Her. i try to explain that i enjoy focusing on Her pleasure and it provides me with satisfaction as well.

what was interesting on our 2nd time this morning was Her providing direction to my oral skills. She always enjoys our oral sessions, but She felt emboldened to give me a specific motion to try. after a misfire, i got it right and She was in heaven. usually after orgasm, She starts feeling oversensitive and wants me to pull away quickly, but this time She said She wished She had me stay down longer. what a rush!

also after Her orgasm, i felt myself as energized as ever. i wanted to give Her more, but She said She was spent. both times, the whole experience was amazing and the morning massage made everything that much more erotic.

i am hoping to put it one more round tonight. tomorrow i give my sample and the obvious reason for non-reciprocation goes away. it is times like this where i hope we can make a LFA relationship work.

We'll see if this works

2006-07-21T16:07:00.000-07:00

In an earlier post, i talked about wanting to give my Wife oral sex with nothing in return, but She insisted on pleasing me as well. a less than gratifying experience for me given my expectations.

Well, to make a long story short, i have to give a semen sample on Sunday morning and am not allowed to release until that time (sort of like the need to fast before a physical to ensure the best sample). Perfect time for pleasing my Wife with no hope of reciprocation!

i am excited about the prospects and pledge to try to do this tonight and tomorrow and blog on the results.

stealthily yours,

Is She Always Right?

2006-07-21T13:06:00.000-07:00

Here is another question I have:

What if you are absolutely, positively sure that the choice your Wife is making is an incorrect one?

How is a husband in a Female Led Marriage supposed to react in this situation? From what i have read on most websites, the husband can, in a very polite manner, ask to offer his opinion and then give it if his Wife allows him to. Even after listening to his opinion, the Wife may choose to go down a path the husband knows to be incorrect. An example of this could be a husband knowing his Wife is not following the directions properly when traveling. i know i could easily give up most major decision making power, but there are the little things that i need to adapt to.

This is one of those issues that i must wrestle with as i decide the path. From what i have read on most sites, the decision to enter into a LFA lifestyle may be the last major decision i am allowed to jointly make.

Focus, focus...

2006-07-21T07:15:00.000-07:00

First, thanks to those who have already dropped a few comments my way. It's nice to have a small audience from day one. i guess it shows the power of the lifestyle and those wanting to learn and build community around it.

i read the latest post over at Woman Rules Roost about the male pleasure of orgasm denial. in the post, Candace expresses surprise that her husband may have masturbated up to every day. as a male, i am obviously not that surprised as i am the same way. a good follow-up question Candace could have asked (or perhaps did ask) was, "Who do you think about when you masturbated in the past?" perhaps she did not want to hear that answer. most women are surprised to hear that men masturbate as much as they do. most would be more surprised to hear that thier wife is not always the focus of thier fantasies.

is this cheating? i do not think so. does this have the potential to take away from the closeness between husband and wife. it depends and it certainly could. i'll come out and say that it was leading me down a path where i found my wife less appealing than the fantasies i could dream up in my head. why have real vanilla sex with my wife when i can have crazy fantasy sex in my head. and while i'm being honest, the crazy fantasy sex in my head produced some of the best orgasms i have ever had.

writing this makes me sound perverted, but i guess that why i am blogging. putting it down on electronic paper makes me think things out a little more than i normally would.

all that being said, i think finding the LFA lifestyle could potentially be a godsend for me. it ties up a lot of my submissive feelings and puts it in a context where perhaps i can refocus them on my wife. i will tell you that the past 2 days have been a very interesting experience in my mind. Trying to put my daily life through the lens of totally pleasing my wife makes everything seem different and much more exciting. It makes my wife seem much sexier as well, yet she is the same person she was 3 days ago. Is that wierd?

To stealth submit or not?

2006-07-20T15:21:00.000-07:00

So here goes my first challenge to myself (or anyone who is listening): Should i "stealth submit" to my Wife at the beginning of all of this?

i have quasi-started doing this already, but i'm not quite sure if it is the right path. i know there are sites that warn against this as potential confusion will result. i will tell you they are partly right. here is my first experience.

last night i made a decision to please my wife only and not recieve pleasure in return. She was already in bed reading when i came upstairs. i must admit She was so damn sexy in her pajamas that i wanted her anyway, but the thought of just pleasing Her and having the night be all about Her pleasure turned me on that much more.

so i proceeded to start with a small massage and then work into cunnulingus. She was very much into the whole thing and just laid back and enjoyed my mouth. i should preface this by saying performing oral sex on Her is a somewhat normal thing for us. normally when She feels ready, She will want me to enter her (She wants me to feel pleasure as well). i told Her that i wanted this to be all about her and to sit back and enjoy. she did and had a wonderful orgasm.

at that point, i wanted it to end and for us to cuddle and talk and go to sleep. She (always looking out for my pleasure) wanted me to enter her. i told her it was ok and i didn't have to, but she insisted. from my not wanting to displease her and my obviousness horniness in the situation, i had sex with her. it was gratifying physically but i felt something less emotionally.

at this stage it is a little early to tell her, but i think the stealth route (at least when it comes to sex), will be pretty much impossible. my wife is way to generous to deny me...

seeking guidance...

2006-07-20T14:08:00.000-07:00

i have been on some other sites and they obviously have a much better look and feel than mine. any guidance on how to make my blog look more appealing (without a ton of work) would be appreciated.

Some background on me...

2006-07-20T13:06:00.000-07:00

Well, anyone out there listening probably doesn't care too much about what I look like, but i thought a general background piece would help me flesh things out and help you understand a bit more about what brought me to this point...

me: early 30's, post grad degree (MBA), executive position, pretty normal guy who partied a little too much during the frat years and need to work on the body a bit to get back into shape.

met my wife in college and have been with her ever since. while neither one of us is very religious, we both held on to the notion of waiting to have sex with the one you plan on being with. she held on a little more closely than me (i was her first) while i gave in shortly before i met her (only 1 other partner). so neither one of us entered the relationship with a ton of sexual experience. not really a bad thing, but i think it will help explain our sometimes awkward intimacy issues (maybe more on that later...don't worry, it's nothing out of the ordinary).

i've always had feelings and desires towards sex that would be considered different by normal societal standards...most have some relationship to my overall need to be submissive. i have not acted on them...thank goodness the internet was just really gaining momentum when i was in college, so the opportunities out there now where not as available back then. i did find some primitive chat rooms and role play my submissive desires with both men and women (which were probably also men) and i would do some things they asked of me to make the situation real...but i never actually met anyone online.

even now, i explore my desires in some online forums through chat. should i consider this cheating on my wife? i have never crossed the line of actually meeting anyone in person. that is my personal "red line".

that's it for now...i will be posting more soon...this is pretty cathartic for me...

Starting down a path...

2006-07-20T12:26:00.000-07:00

Good Afternoon out there in blogger land. i've never been one to blog myself, but i think it will help guide me down a potentially difficult path. Perhaps you stumbled on to this blog because you searched for LFA and therefore, you know what it means. For those who don't know LFA, it stands for Loving Female Authority. LFA is a lifestyle choice where the female in the relationship takes the lead role and the male takes a submissive role. It can take many types of roles and is not restricted to a BDSM path.

If anyone out there decides to read this, here are the ground rules i will be following:

1.) i have read other blogs where writers pay careful attention on how to capitalize based on relationship or gender role. there will be times i will try to follow this and times i will not. my goal is seek guidance, not be punctually correct.

2.) my purpose through writing is to develop a better sense of my feelings around the LFA lifestyle and how to approach my wife with my feelings.

3.) i encourage others to comment if they have knowledge in the area. i don't know if i will get any readers, but i am always seeking guidance.

4.) i have many thoughts on things, but will try to keep this blog on topic to LFA and issues surrounding it.

4a.) my posts will probably be short and to the point. i tend to not write long soliloquies.

5.) finally, i plan on writing to this blog until this situation plays itself out. i will, at some point, confess my desires to my wife and hope that she buys in. if she doesn't, this blog may flame out...we will see!