To stealth submit or not?
So here goes my first challenge to myself (or anyone who is listening): Should i "stealth submit" to my Wife at the beginning of all of this?
i have quasi-started doing this already, but i'm not quite sure if it is the right path. i know there are sites that warn against this as potential confusion will result. i will tell you they are partly right. here is my first experience.
last night i made a decision to please my wife only and not recieve pleasure in return. She was already in bed reading when i came upstairs. i must admit She was so damn sexy in her pajamas that i wanted her anyway, but the thought of just pleasing Her and having the night be all about Her pleasure turned me on that much more.
so i proceeded to start with a small massage and then work into cunnulingus. She was very much into the whole thing and just laid back and enjoyed my mouth. i should preface this by saying performing oral sex on Her is a somewhat normal thing for us. normally when She feels ready, She will want me to enter her (She wants me to feel pleasure as well). i told Her that i wanted this to be all about her and to sit back and enjoy. she did and had a wonderful orgasm.
at that point, i wanted it to end and for us to cuddle and talk and go to sleep. She (always looking out for my pleasure) wanted me to enter her. i told her it was ok and i didn't have to, but she insisted. from my not wanting to displease her and my obviousness horniness in the situation, i had sex with her. it was gratifying physically but i felt something less emotionally.
at this stage it is a little early to tell her, but i think the stealth route (at least when it comes to sex), will be pretty much impossible. my wife is way to generous to deny me...
i have quasi-started doing this already, but i'm not quite sure if it is the right path. i know there are sites that warn against this as potential confusion will result. i will tell you they are partly right. here is my first experience.
last night i made a decision to please my wife only and not recieve pleasure in return. She was already in bed reading when i came upstairs. i must admit She was so damn sexy in her pajamas that i wanted her anyway, but the thought of just pleasing Her and having the night be all about Her pleasure turned me on that much more.
so i proceeded to start with a small massage and then work into cunnulingus. She was very much into the whole thing and just laid back and enjoyed my mouth. i should preface this by saying performing oral sex on Her is a somewhat normal thing for us. normally when She feels ready, She will want me to enter her (She wants me to feel pleasure as well). i told Her that i wanted this to be all about her and to sit back and enjoy. she did and had a wonderful orgasm.
at that point, i wanted it to end and for us to cuddle and talk and go to sleep. She (always looking out for my pleasure) wanted me to enter her. i told her it was ok and i didn't have to, but she insisted. from my not wanting to displease her and my obviousness horniness in the situation, i had sex with her. it was gratifying physically but i felt something less emotionally.
at this stage it is a little early to tell her, but i think the stealth route (at least when it comes to sex), will be pretty much impossible. my wife is way to generous to deny me...
posted by lansdale LFA at 3:21 PM
5 Comments:
Lansdale,
I don't see any harm in a little stealth submission while you get a feel for whether or not you want to pursue LFA. It will mean than if/when you do eventually discuss your desires she'll have a better understanding of what you're talking about.
It may also confirm to you that this is not just a fad which will go away.
LFA doesn't have to be a huge change. My wife and I have several days where the subject doesn't even come up. We can still be a "normal" couple.
I eventually introduced it to her by reading her some of the aroundherfinger.com website
Congratulations on your new blog, Lansdale.
I believe the biggest portion of the power exchange takes place in the mind. When you do things for her or respond to her requests, remind yourself "it's about her pleasure, about what she wants". If you do this - especially in the beginning - it makes it feel more natural to follow her lead. For example, if she gets pleasure from you getting pleasure, then follow her lead - because? "It's about her pleasure, about what she wants". You're still surrendering control to her no matter if she allows you to penetrate her, makes you fill her car with gas, or asks you to bark like a dog ;) Some things are just more fun than others :)
Good Luck with your endeavor and thanks for sharing your experiences with us through this blog.
I am also a "stealth" submissive, and to be honest its driving me crazy. I really have to either work up the courage to tell her what I'm about or resign to a more traditional marriage,( which will eat at me for the rest of my life, I'm afraid).
However, one thing that I've learned as a stealth submissive is that I had to keep reminding myself that my wife has absolutely no idea why I was doing what I was doing. (After all, I guess that is the definition of a "stealth submission")
Our partners are not mind readers so they don't know what we are up to (no pun meant). As a matter of fact, they probably haven't ever heard of the whole concept of LFA.
We have to be careful not to get annoyed at them just becuase they do not respond in a dominant way. My bigest problem is my wife will say to me "would you mind washing to floor" or "would you please fold the laundry" (or something similar) when I'd really like to be told "Wash The Floor!" and "Why Isn't the Laundry Folded Yet!" But because I'm stealthy, she doesn't know that she is doing anything 'wrong', in fact all her life she was taught to be polite.
But from my point of view as I'm washing the floor, I feel more like an equal partner helping out than as a submissive doing what he is told. This frustrate me and I'm afraid that I let that frustration become evident When she asks what is the matter, I can't tell her. (this brings up a whole other issue of marital trust and sharing, which really bothers me :( )
I'll look forward to your blog and hope you have success in your LFA endeavor. I'm sure you'll be getting lots of helpful advice from others who have been down that road.
thanks everyone for the initial kind words...i hope you guys continue to give some comments from time to time...
quietguy: i hear exactly what you are saying. tonight i really started to do some "stealth chores" like folding some laundry i normally wouldn't and getting some additional cleaning done. a few times my wife asked for me to clean up the dishes or other little things and i did it with no issues...normally i might balk at the idea....but she has no idea..so it does lose a little bit there...
i'll post some more tomorrow...
NSU - 4efer, 5210 - rulez
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